Apology

Dear Andrew,
Quit calling me a warthog. You have been doing that a lot lately, and it has been getting on my nerves. First of all, I do not like being called names, as anyone else would not like to be. Second of all, why a warthog? I would prefer to be called a tugboat, or propaganda, or a neophyte, if anything. As for being called a warthog, no.
Now, this is what I really don't get. why is everyone else calling me a warthog? It was only you in the beginning. As of now, my own family is calling me a warthog on a daily basis. When anything like that is happening, one would feel that something is up.
Along with that, I hate being called a warthog since I see it as offensive. I am a human being, not some wild swine in the savanna, wallowing at its leisure. I think as you think, feel as you feel, and am as you are. As such, I'd prefer to be known for that.
That is all for now. Really, I want you and your little friends to quit calling me a warthog. I really don't enjoy it. Only after you and your familiars break this habit may you be forgiven. As of now, this is war. If you don't make an effort to end it, there will be much trouble in your future. Think about it, then write me back.
From that warthog,
Dave Oreste